Attack Of The Clones!
What do ‘The Grudge,’ ‘Flight
of the Phoenix’ and ‘Scooby Doo’ have
in common? We’ve seen all of them before.
by Patrick Corcoran
Nobody in Hollywood ever got fired for doing
what everybody else does.
An even surer route to job security is doing
something that somebody else already did (with bonus points
if it
was actually successful the first time around). This could
explain why – with the mania for sequels showing
no signs of abating – a few maverick souls have embarked
on a radical new course and are staking their careers on
making movies that have already been made.
There are different sorts of remakes, of
course. One can remake a classic like “The Ladykillers,” “Around
the World in 80 Days” or “The Manchurian Candidate” – and
even remake that classic as fetishisticly as Gus Van Sant
did with his 1998 “shot-for-shot” remake of “Psycho.” One
can take a well-regarded low-budget exploitation effort
and pump it steroidally full of bigger stars and stunts – “Walking
Tall,” “Dawn of the Dead” and “Assault
on Precinct 13” spring to mind as templates. One
can purchase the rights to a foreign-language hit little
seen in the states, i.e. “The Ring,” “Shall
We Dance” or “Taxi.” The most risk-averse
among us might even snap up the big-screen rights to a
popular TV show like “Starsky & Hutch,” “Charlie’s
Angels,” “S.W.A.T.” or something else
Aaron Spelling produced 30 years ago.
Behold the next wave of do-overs:
“All The King’s Men” is a drama, set
in the South, about a working-class citizen whose ascent
from a blue-collar laborer to an influential governor ends
in scandalous corruption and political downfall. It’s
a remake of the 1949 film starring Broderick Crawford and
John Ireland and based on the 1946 novel by Robert Penn
Warren (which was, in turn, based on the life of legendary
Louisiana politician Huey Long). Production was reportedly
set to start this past November. Steven Zaillian (“Searching
for Bobby Fischer,” “A Civil Action”)
directs from his own screenplay. Sean Penn (“The
Assassination of Richard Nixon”), Jude Law (“Closer,” “Lemony
Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events,” “The
Aviator”) and Kate Winslet (“Finding Neverland”)
star. Sony plans a late 2005 release.
Though some have suggested that Michael
Bay’s oeuvre
(“Bad Boys,” “The Rock,” “Armageddon,” “Pearl
Harbor”) feels somewhat like a handful of older movies
all smooshed together (we like to think of them as archetypal),
he’s currently producing a movie we have seen before. “The
Amityville Horror” is a remake of the 1979 horror
thriller about the residents of a Long Island suburb’s
haunted house. Andrew Douglas directs from a screenplay
by Scott Kosar (“The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” “The
Machinist”) and remake specialist Sheldon Turner
(“The Longest Yard”). Ryan Reynolds (“Blade:
Trinity”), Melissa George (“Down with Love,” “Derailed”),
Jimmy Bennett (“Daddy Day Care”), Philip Baker
Hall (“Dogville,” “Synergy”), Rachel
Nichols (“Dumb and Dumberer”), Jesse James
(“The Butterfly Effect”) and Chloe Moretz (TV’s “The
Guardian”) star. MGM is holding an open house April
15.
“The Bad News Bears” is a remake (of the 1976
comedy starring Walter Matthau and Tatum O’Neal)
about an irritable, beer-swilling coach who transforms
a hopeless little league team into a unit with a shot at
the pennant. Richard Linklater (“School of Rock,” “Before
Sunset”) directs from a screenplay by Glenn Ficarra & John
Requa (“Cats & Dogs,” “Bad Santa”).
Billy Bob Thornton (“Friday Night Lights”),
Marcia Gay Harden (“P.S.”) and Greg Kinnear
(“Godsend”) star. Filming was reportedly set
to have started in November. Paramount plans a 2006 release.
“Charlie & the Chocolate Factory” is
a remake of the 1971 Gene Wilder musical “Willy Wonka
and the Chocolate Factory,” based on the book by
Roald Dahl (“Mathilda,” “James and the
Giant Peach”). This time it’s a non-musical
comic fantasy about a boy who has the chance to take over
the factory of a fantastical candy maker. Tim Burton (“Edward
Scissorhands,” “Ed Wood,” “Sleepy
Hollow,” “Big Fish”) directs from a screenplay
by John August (the “Charlie’s Angels” series, “Big
Fish”). Johnny Depp (“Edward Scissorhands,” “Ed
Wood,” “Sleepy Hollow,” “Finding
Neverland”) stars as Willy Wonka, Freddie Highmore
(“Finding Neverland”) as Charlie Bucket, Helena
Bonham Carter (“Big Fish”) as Charlie’s
mom, Christopher Lee (the “Lord of the Rings” series)
as Willy’s dad, Annasophia Robb (“Because of
Winn-Dixie”) as Violet Beauregard, Missi Pyle (“Anchorman”)
as Ms. Beauregard, David Kelly (“Laws of Attraction”)
as Grandpa Joe and Julia Winter as Veruca Salt. Noah Taylor
(“The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou”) and
James Fox (“The Prince and Me”) co-star. Warner
Bros. unwraps it July 15.
“Dark Water” is a thriller about a woman
who, in an attempt to escape the misery of a custody battle,
moves with her young child into a dilapidated apartment
that turns out to be haunted. It’s an English-language
remake of the 2002 Japanese-language thriller “Honogurai
mizu no soko kara” written and directed by the eminently
remake-able Hideo Nakata (the “Ringu” series).
Walter Salles (“Central Station,” “Behind
the Sun,” “The Motorcycle Diaries”) directs
from a screenplay by Rafael Yglesias (“Les Miserables,” “From
Hell”). Jennifer Connelly (“House of Sand and
Fog”) stars with John C. Reilly (“The Aviator”),
Tim Roth (“Silver City”), Dougray Scott (“Enigma”),
Ariel Gade (“Envy”) and Pete Postlethwaite
(“The Shipping News”). Buena Vista plans an
Aug. 5 move-in date.
“Fun With Dick And Jane” remakes the 1977
comedy about a financially strapped middle-class couple
who resort to undertaking heists to pay their bills. Dean
Parisot (“Home Fries,” “Galaxy Quest”)
directs from a screenplay by Judd Apatow (“Celtic
Pride”) and Nicholas Stoller. Jim Carrey (“Lemony
Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events”),
Téa Leoni (“Spanglish”), Jullian Dulce
Vida (“Showtime”) and Angie Harmon (“Agent
Cody Banks”) star. Sony sees it run June 24.
“Guess Who” is an ethnicity-reversed remake
of the 1967 comedy “Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner,” this
time about a young white man’s battle to win over
the father of the black girlfriend he wants to marry. Kevin
Rodney Sullivan (“How Stella Got Her Groove Back” “Barbershop
2: Back in Business”) directs from a screenplay by
Jay Scherick & David Ronn (“National Security”)
and Peter Tolan (“Stealing Harvard”). Ashton
Kutcher (“The Butterfly Effect”), Bernie Mac
(“Ocean’s Twelve”), Zoe Saldana (“The
Terminal”), Jessica Cauffiel (“White Chicks,” “D.E.B.S.”)
and Judith Scott (“Virtual Sexuality”) star.
Sony serves it up March 25.
“House Of Wax” is a thriller about a group
of young motorists who, while passing through a small town,
encounter killers who like to coat their victims with wax.
It’s a remake of the 1953 horror classic “House
of Wax 3-D.” Commercial director Jaume Serra makes
his feature directorial debut from a screenplay by Carey & Chad
Hayes (TV’s “Baywatch”). Elisha Cuthbert
(“The Girl Next Door”) stars with Jared Padalecki
(“Flight of the Phoenix”), Chad Michael Murray
(“A Cinderella Story”), Jon Abrahams (“My
Boss’s Daughter”), Paris Hilton (“Raising
Helen”), Damon Herriman (“They”), Robert
Ri’chard (“Coach Carter”), Emma Lung
(“Garage Days”) and Brian Van Holt (“S.W.A.T.”).
Warner Bros. puts it in movie houses April 29.
“Last Holiday” is a remake of the 1950 Alec
Guinness comedy-drama about a shy clerk who discovers he
has a terminal illness and decides to have one last fling
before he goes. Wayne Wang (“Maid in Manhattan,” “Because
of Winn-Dixie”) directs from a screenplay by Jeffrey
Price & Peter S. Seaman (“Wild Wild West,” “How
the Grinch Stole Christmas”). Queen Latifah (“Taxi”),
who takes on the Guinness role, stars opposite Gérard
Depardieu (“Nathalie”), Giancarlo Esposito
(“Ali”), LL Cool J (“S.W.A.T.”)
and Alicia Witt (“Two Weeks Notice”). Paramount
plans a 2005 release.
“The Longest Yard” is a remake of the 1974
comedy about a retired pro quarterback who goes to prison
and finds the warden forcing him to put together an inmate
football team. Peter Segal (“50 First Dates”)
directs from a screenplay by Sheldon Turner (“The
Amityville Horror”). Adam Sandler (“50 First
Dates”) stars with Chris Rock (“Head of State”),
Tracy Morgan (“Head of State”), James Cromwell
(“I, Robot”), Burt Reynolds (“Without
a Paddle”), Cloris Leachman (“Bad Santa”),
David Patrick Kelly (“Personal Velocity”),
Kevin Nash (“The Punisher”), Brian Bosworth
(“Three Kings”), Terry Crews (“White
Chicks”), Joey Diaz (“Spider-Man 2”),
Brandon Molale (“Collateral”) and William Fichtner
(“Equilibrium”). Sony puts it in play May 27.
“King Kong” revisits the building-sized simian from the jungles of
darkest Africa who is captured and displayed in New York. The “Lord of
the Rings” team of writer-director Peter Jackson and screenwriters Fran
Walsh and Philippa Boyens reunite. Naomi Watts (“The Assassination of Richard
Nixon”), Jack Black (“Anchorman”), Adrien Brody (“The
Jacket”), Colin Hanks (“Orange County”), Kyle Chandler (“Mulholland
Falls”), Andy Serkis (“13 Going On 30”), Jamie Bell (“Nicholas
Nickleby”) and Thomas Kretschmann (“Head in the Clouds”) star.
Universal unleashes the beast Dec. 14.
“The Pink Panther” is a comedy about bumbling
French police inspector Jacques Clouseau, who investigates
the murder of a soccer coach and the disappearance of a
rare gem, unaware that his chauffeur is actually an undercover
cop assigned to keep Clouseau out of trouble. It’s
based on the classic film series created by writer-director
Blake Edwards. Ivan Reitman (“Dave,” “Six
Days Seven Nights”) and Shawn Levy (“Just Married,” “Cheaper
By the Dozen”) co-direct from a screenplay by Steve
Martin (“Bowfinger”) and Len Blum (“Beethoven’s
2nd,” “Private Parts”). Martin (“Cheaper
By the Dozen”) stars as Clouseau, Kevin Kline (“De-Lovely”)
as Dreyfuss, Jean Reno (“Rollerball”) as the
undercover cop and Beyoncé Knowles (“The Fighting
Temptations”) as a pop star who may have stolen the
gem. Emily Mortimer (“Bright Young Things”),
Henry Czerny (“The Ice Storm”) and Kristin
Chenoweth (TV’s “The West Wing”) round
out the cast. MGM has pounced upon July 22 as a release
date.
“The Producers” is a musical comedy about
a washed-up producer and his accountant, who realize it’s
possible to make money by overselling shares in an unsuccessful
play; the two set about staging a sure-fire flop with the
worst actor, the worst director and the most offensive
play imaginable: a musical titled “Springtime for
Hitler.” It’s a remake of writer-director Mel
Brooks’ 1968 non-musical. Stage director Susan Stroman,
who mounted the musical stage version, makes her feature
directorial debut from a screenplay by Brooks (“Dracula:
Dead and Loving It”) and Thomas Meehan (“Spaceballs”).
Nathan Lane (“Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!”),
Matthew Broderick (“The Stepford Wives,” “The
Last Shot”) and Roger Bart (“The Stepford Wives”)
reprise their roles from the stage version. Newcomers include
Nicole Kidman (“Birth”) and Will Ferrell (“Anchorman”).
Universal shares it with the public Dec. 21.
In the late ‘50s and early ‘60s, Disney seemed
to believe the way to attract the teen crowd was to afflict
them with strange powers or impediments as a metaphor for
puberty (see “The Absent Minded Professor,” “Son
of Flubber,” “The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes” and “The
Shaggy Dog”). Disney is resurrecting the 1959 Fred
MacMurray/Tommy Kirk vehicle “The Shaggy Dog,” only
this time it’s Tim Allen (“Christmas with the
Kranks”), not a teen, who periodically breaks out
in fur. Brian Robbins (“Hardball,” “The
Perfect Score”) directs from a screenplay by Jack
Amiel & Michael Begler (“The Prince and Me,” “Raising
Helen”), Tom Brady (“The Animal,” “The
Hot Chick”) and Marianne & Cormac Wibberley (“Charlie’s
Angels: Full Throttle,” “National Treasure”).
Kristin Davis (HBO’s “Sex and the City”),
Robert Downey, Jr.("Gothika") and Danny Glover
(“Saw”) co-star. Buena Vista unleashes it in
2005.
“War of the Worlds,” is a remake of the 1953
science fiction classic about a Martian invasion of Earth,
based on the H.G. Wells novel. Steven Spielberg (“Catch
Me if You Can,” “The Terminal”) directs
from a screenplay by David Koepp (“Spider-Man,” “Secret
Window”). Tom Cruise (“Collateral”) stars
with Miranda Otto (“Flight of the Phoenix”),
Tim Robbins (“Code 46”), Dakota Fanning (“Man
on Fire”) and Justin Chatwin (“SuperBabies:
Baby Geniuses 2”). Paramount lowers it into cinemas
June 29.
A long-awaited contemporary remake
of the 1939 George Cukor classic, “The Women” is expected to go
before the cameras in February. The all-female comedy about
high-society divorcées – who forge friendships
almost as easily as they do enemies lists – is based
on the play by Clare Booth Luce. Longtime TV writer Diane
English (“Murphy Brown”) was reportedly set
to make her feature directorial debut from her own screenplay.
The start date was reportedly contingent on the outcome
of negotiations for a cast that may include Meg Ryan (“In
the Cut”), Sandra Bullock (“Two Weeks Notice”),
Annette Bening (“Being Julia”), Uma Thurman
(“Kill Bill”) and Ashley Judd (“De-Lovely”).
New Line has yet to set a release date.
It seems at times like every TV series
ever aired – from “The
Lone Ranger” and “Speed Racer” to “The
A-Team,” “Dallas” and “Sex and
the City” – is headed for a big-screen remake.
Here are the six that seem closest to a cinematic rebirth:
From the ‘50s comes “The Honeymooners,” a
comedy, set in contemporary New York, about plus-size bus
driver Ralph Kramden, wife Alice, and Bensonhurst neighbors
Trixie and Ed Norton. It’s based on the classic Jackie
Gleason-Art Carney TV series. John Schultz (“Like
Mike”) directs from a screenplay by Barry Blaustein & David
Sheffield (“The Nutty Professor II: The Klumps”)
and Danny Jacobson. Cedric the Entertainer (“Lemony
Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events”)
and Mike Epps (“Resident Evil: Apocalypse”)
star as Ralph and Ed with Regina Hall (“Scary Movie
3”) and Gabrielle Union (“Breakin’ All
the Rules”) as Trixie and Alice. Eric Stoltz (“The
Butterfly Effect”), John Leguizamo (“Assault
on Precinct 13”), Jon Polito (“The Last Shot”)
and Anne Pitoniak (“Unfaithful”) co-star. Paramount
has yet to set a release date.
From the ‘60s is conjured “Bewitched,” which
goes the meta-remake route. It’s a comic fantasy
about what happens when a movie production company unknowingly
hires a real witch to play Samantha in a big-screen remake
of the TV series “Bewitched.” Nora Ephron (“You’ve
Got Mail,” “Lucky Numbers”) directs from
a screenplay by Ephron (“Hanging Up”), sister
Delia Ephron (“Hanging Up,” “Sisterhood
of the Traveling Pants”) and Adam McKay (“Anchorman”).
Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell (who also star together
in the “Producers” remake) star opposite Shirley
MacLaine (“The Evening Star”), Michael Caine
(“The Statement”), Steve Carell (“Anchorman”),
Joan Plowright (“I Am David”), Jason Schwartzman
(“I Heart Huckabees”), Kristen Chenoweth (“The
Pink Panther”) and Amy Sedaris (“My Baby’s
Daddy,” “Romance & Cigarettes”).
Sony asks “What up, wee-otch?” July 18.
The ‘70s are represented by “The Dukes Of
Hazzard,” a comedy based on the CBS actioner about
two bored young rural Georgia men who conspire to drive
very fast as they foil the corrupt local sheriff. Jay Chandrasekhar
(“Super Troopers,” “Club Dread”)
directs from a screenplay by John O’Brien (“Starsky & Hutch”)
and Jonathan Davis. With Seann William Scott (“The
Rundown”) and Johnny Knoxville (“A Dirty Shame”)
as Bo and Luke Duke, Jessica Simpson (MTV’s “Newlyweds:
Nick & Jessica”) as cutoff-crazy sister Daisy,
Burt Reynolds (“The Longest Yard”) as corrupt
Boss Hogg and Willie Nelson (“The Big Bounce”)
as Uncle Jesse. Warner Bros. revs up the General Lee July
29.
The ‘80s crime drama “Miami Vice” is
speeding to the bigscreen via writer-director Michael Mann
(“The Insider,” “Ali,” “Collateral”),
who also wrote and produced the NBC version. The original
depicted two remarkably ostentatious undercover Miami vice
detectives named Crockett and Tubbs. Mann will reportedly
direct from his own screenplay. Colin Farrell (“Alexander”)
and Jamie Foxx (“Collateral, “ “Ray”)
were reportedly set to star. The trades report Universal
has given Crockett’s red Ferrari a green light for
a 2006 release.
The ‘90s contributes “Aeon Flux,” a
live action remake of MTV’s short-lived animated
series. Combining comedy, romance, creepy science fiction
and breathless action, the show depicted an inadequately-attired
female secret agent leading an underground operation. Karyn
Kusama (“Girlfight”) directs the feature version
from a screenplay by Phil Hay & Matt Manfredi (“Crazy/Beautiful”).
Charlize Theron (“Head in the Clouds”), Frances
McDormand (“Something’s Gotta Give”),
Marton Csokas (“The Bourne Supremacy”), Jonny
Lee Miller (“Dracula 2000”) and Caroline Chikezie
(“Virtual Sexuality”) star. Paramount is keeping
its release date in flux.
The current decade is represented by “Serenity,” which
is not so much a remake as it is a big-screen sequel to
Fox’s short-lived 2002 sci-fi TV series “Firefly.” It’s
about what happens when disreputable but loyal spaceship
captain Mal Reynolds realizes that River Tam, the strange
young fugitive he’s been transporting, is actually
far more powerful and far more important to shadowy government
factions than previously suspected. Screenwriter Joss Whedon
(“Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” “Toy Story,” “Alien:
Resurrection,” “Titan A.E.”), who created “Firefly,” makes
his feature directorial debut from his own script. Actors
returning from the TV series include Nathan Fillion (“Dracula
2000”), Morena Baccarin (“Roger Dodger”),
Adam Baldwin (“The Patriot”), Jewel Staite
(“Carpool”), Gina Torres (the “Matrix” series),
Alan Tudyk (“I, Robot”), Sean Maher (the 2001
TV movie “Brian’s Song”), Summer Glau
(“Sleepover”) and Ron Glass (“Houseguest”).
Newcomers include Chiwetel Ejiofor (“She Hate Me”),
David Krumholtz (“Ray”), Michael Hitchcock
(“A Mighty Wind”), Glenn Howerton (TV’s “ER”),
Becky Stockton and Scott Kinworth (“House of Sand
and Fog”). Universal hopes the box office will be
less than peaceful Sept. 30.
